If I could pick just ONE thing from my life that has taught me the biggest lesson, it would be change.
All my life I hated change. I resisted it like the plague. I feared change so much, to the point that even when change didn’t happen I was afraid of it anyway. And when change did happen, I became even more fearful, resistant, frustrated and confused. Which ultimately meant I was totally and completely afraid of life.
I tried to control everything in my environment. I was so obsessed with my life as I knew it remaining the same that I ended up fighting with myself basically all the time. My circumstances dictated my disposition and if something didn’t go “right,” I was a hot mess. The inner conflict was so constant that sometimes I felt like I was going crazy.
After 27 years of this inner struggle, the Universe changed my entire world, and it would be the best lesson I ever learned.
I had started my first job in the working world about three years prior. I was basically independent, had my own health insurance, was making decent money and had just tied the knot one year earlier. My husband and I had our own apartment and I was generally “happy” despite my constant fear of the outer world. My life would always be just like this, right?
On a warm September Friday evening, my parents came over to our apartment, sat us down and with very serious faces proceeded to tell us they were getting divorced.
Married for 29 years, raised the “perfect” little family in suburbia, a white picket fence and Catholic Church on Sundays, and now…poof. All of it, gone.
I always thought they were happy together. I looked forward to family dinners at their house with my husband and our very own kids. I imagined all of us, my sister and I and our kids playing together, opening gifts together on Christmas morning, the family most people dream of.
My parents’ split broke me in two. After they left that night I didn’t know what else to do so I jumped in the shower in utter shock and wept out loud. I could barely take a full deep breath into my lungs. And that continued daily for eight months after that.
I couldn’t accept this as my reality. I got sick. I fought with it. I fought with myself. I had talks with both my parents. Are you sure? I would ask. They were sure. Almost 30 years of marriage and my whole world was turned upside-down. I was miserable. I could not and would not accept this.
And because I would not accept it, I felt terrible, all of the time. I was sick, bouncing from doctor to doctor. Between the misdiagnosed asthma, chronic respiratory illness and terrible anxiety and depression, I was a mess. And it all boils down to one thing: I was resisting change.
With tons of hard work on myself, natural healing and therapy, I eventually got better. Today I am well, I can take a full deep breath into my lungs, I have no more respiratory issues and my anxiety is low. And the most exciting, even invigorating fact is, I am no longer afraid of change.
The day my parents told me they were splitting up changed my life, and it changed my life in the best way possible.
The Universe was showing me I could no longer live the way I was living. Stuck in my own made-up reality in my head, projecting my “perfect” ideas of life out into the world was only harming me, and I needed to learn to accept change in order to live a life of true joy and peace.
Since that very day I thank both my parents and God for showing me what I needed to see: Change is inevitable. The only constant in the world, is change. Expect it. Flowing with change is a whole helluva lot easier than resisting it, than constantly being afraid and wishing things on the outside were different.
Now I not only expect change, I actually look forward to it! Seven years ago, I did not know I had it in me. I now know that change is part of life, it’s part of the amazing-ness of life. Not only do I get to look forward to new and exciting things, I no longer carry this resistance and inner conflict inside of me. I can enjoy life, flow with it, accept what is and know that all is well, no matter what.
Are you experiencing a time of great change? If so, what are you doing to create more ease and flow? Can you accept this change as a part of your reality? Can you be in your innate knowing that all is well, that you will be ok, that you are supported, guided and protected no matter what?
It may be easier said than done in the beginning. But with consistency and hard work each day, you too can start looking forward to the next great change that awaits you.
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