Feelin Like P Diddy

I wake up in the morning, feeling like P Diddy. Grab my glasses I'm out the door I'm gonna hit the city...

Oh, wait, I've clearly got Ke$ha on the brain...my bad! Let's start over.

I wake up in the morning feeling like I got kicked in the stomach (SO not like P Diddy). This happens sometimes. I have had this feeling my entire life, like since I emerged from my mother's womb.

I was born anxious. Each day as a kid I'd wake up in the morning feeling so nervous I contracted, held my abdomen with my hands, I would cry and shake, and my stomach hurt so bad I could throw up. All those other kids who got excited to go to school, I could never understand that. School, to me, was dreadful.

I didn't want to be the center of attention. I couldn't even bear the thought. I got even more nervous just thinking about the teacher (God forbid) calling on me in class. When that happened, I would freeze. Whether I knew the answer or not, it wouldn't come out of my mouth. It was like a humiliating scene from The Wonder Years.

Thankfully, with a lot of hard work, focus, and dedication to myself, I don't feel like this too often anymore. The "kicked in the stomach" feelings are now few and far between. Whew!

So how, you might ask, did I get from <--there to here--> ? I began dedicating myself to ME. But this didn't come with ease. It was hard work, and it's still a journey I continue to explore. My healing began at 27 years old when my body turned up the volume and said, "you cannot live like this anymore."

I got sick every month. I had panic attacks. I couldn't take a full breath into my lungs unless I was sleeping. I was on five prescription medications daily by the time I was 28, and I thought waaaaaaait  a second...there's GOT to be another way.

I sought help from a Holistic Health Practitioner and I haven't looked back. I'll never forget that day. I felt validated, loved, and nurtured. I was taught that it's ok to love myself. In fact, it's more than ok...it's necessary.

I learned that it's ok to speak my truth, that my voice needs to be heard. The scared little girl inside me held onto all that anxiety, that stale stagnant energy until she just couldn't anymore. I have set her free.

I have many methods to my madness: professional counseling, healthy diet, herbal therapies, yoga, meditation, exercise, and here's a big one--doing things I'm scared of doing. Scary right? That's exactly the point.

Feeling the fear and doing it anyway has been pivotal in my healing journey. I was scared to speak my truth. I didn't know what people would think of me. But I did it anyway. I was scared to get a new job. But I did it anyway, and I ROCKED it. I was terrified to go to Naturopathic School. Every day, just like when I was a kid, I was scared shitless to go...but I did that too. Public speaking was horrifying in my mind. But I have done numerous presentations and taught classes, and given speeches in front of hundreds of people. I had stomach aches for weeks on end, thinking about moving out of the comfort zone of my hometown Detroit, my little cave of comfort. But I moved all the way across the country to Seattle, and I owned it by starting my own business.

The more we face our fears, the more we grow, the more we come out of our shell, and the stronger we become. It's all part of the healing process. I ask myself, what would that anxious little girl inside me say to me now? I mean, she never believed in herself. She never thought she would amount to anything. She thought very little of herself for so many years. I think that little girl would look at me now and say, "WOW."

I'm not saying you have to take up public speaking, do big presentations, or change your whole life. I'm saying that whatever it is you want in life, you can have it. You just have to dedicate yourself to YOU. Every day. You're amazing, deserving, and you're worth it.

You may still be hiding behind those walls. You may be scared of, well who knows what? I was scared of just plain life. You may be too. But I have faith in you. If you're reading this then you're ready to make a change.

Whatever you decide to do to make that happen, whether it is working with a counselor, hiring a coach, or even just adding a five minute meditation to your day, you're worth it, period.

Breaking through your fear could mean moving across the country, or it could mean going to the movies by yourself. Whatever it is, free yourself. You've got this

And who knows? You could start waking up in the morning feeling like P Diddy.